i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
