Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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