I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
