their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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