maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
