Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
