my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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