if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
