i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
