My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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