Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
