I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
