How'd it feel making her break her religion?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
