Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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