Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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