Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
