My friends, they love my intelligence
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
