theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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