sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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