I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
