I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
