I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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