You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize