dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
