isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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