Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
