Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My liver just broke up with me...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
