My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
