im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
