I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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