You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
