Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
