if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
