Please, let me fuck your mom
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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