Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
