I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
