Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
