Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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