Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
