so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
