in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
