She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
