Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
