so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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