it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
