It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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