dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
