some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think i scared a bird with my dick
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Are we still banned from the library?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
