Already got asked if we're dating
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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