i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
