she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
