Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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