At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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