In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
