I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
