I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
