someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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