Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
