Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
