I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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