Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this will be a night to untag.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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