we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize