i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
