Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
