Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
