You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
